Roaring Twenties nightclub queen Mary Louise "Texas" Guinan
used to greet every new customer with a cheerful "Hello,
Sucker!" Today, our political leaders think the same phrase
when performing their various shell games on Americans, but
they're a lot less cheerful about it.
President Bush, last week, confronting the writhing agony
known as our economy, did the only thing a stand-up kinda
leader could do...he blamed it all on the Democratic
Congress. As Dana Milbank wrote in "The Wa****ngton Post,"
"He faulted lawmakers 16 times in his opening statement alone."
And you could tell Bush was serious. He wore his patented
"constipated ape" expression.
Bush addressed America's financial woes in lofty, technical
terms. "And so I firmly believe that, you know, if there was
a magic wand to wave, I'd be waving it, of course."
He later explained: "I think that if there was a magic wand
to say, 'OK, drop price,' I'd do that."
As re****ters waited for Bush to switch metaphors, stick his
thumb up his ass, crook his free arm skyward and warble,
"I'm a little despot," he went back to his wand waving, instead.
Further clarifying his trickle-down approach to Harry
Potter, he offered: "But there is no magic wand to wave
right now."
Presumably, a wand will be found in the near future?
Until that time, we will be stuck with Bush's old magical
meanderings. He said that the economy would be helped by
making his tax cuts permanent. A lie. He said the current
gas crisis would be helped by cracking open Alaska's Arctic
National Wildlife Refuge. A lie. He said that the current
gas crisis would be eased by building more oil refineries. A
lie. He also refused to use the word "recession," feeling
that Americans don't care about labels. This is probably why
he also refused to use the word "moron."
Later in the week, he declared: "My Administration has been
clear and candid on the state of the economy. We saw the
economic slowdown coming, we were up front about these
concerns with the American people, and we've been taking
decisive action." A lie.
In his radio address, Bush touted his tax rebates of $600 to
$1200 as manna for the maxed-out. "Most economic experts
predict that the stimulus will have a positive effect on the
economy in this quarter and even a greater impact in the
next. And Americans should have confidence in the long-term
outlook for our economy." A lie.
Is it any wonder that, in a casual interview in-between
magical spells, Bush could actually say: "Interestingly
enough, it is a lot harder to have been the son of the
president than to be the president. And, so, it's been a
joyous experience." For whom?
Now, while Bush is as ignorant about economics as he is, uh,
everything else, he does have competition for the vaunted
King of Fools mantle. Here's John McCain explaining to
members of construction and trade unions why migrant farm
workers are hurting our economy.
"Now, my friends, I'll offer anybody here $50 an hour if
you'll go pick lettuce in Yuma this season and pick for the
whole season. So -- OK? Sign up. OK. You sign up. You sign
up, and you'll be there for the whole season, the whole
season. OK? Not just one day. Because you can't do it, my
friend."
A rough translation. He's telling folks who do the most
backbreaking labor imaginable that they're not up to picking
lettuce...for $400 a day. Or $2,000 a week. Or $104,000 a
year. Adding insult to imagery, last I heard, migrant
lettuce pickers weren't making $50 an hour.
Now, it's easy to excuse McCain's economic embolisms
because, basically, he's an idiot. But how do you justify
Hillary Clinton's newfound foray into financial fantasyland?
Answer: you can't.
Both McCain and Clinton have recently embraced a summer gas
tax vacation. This piece of election year chicanery would
lift the 18.4-cent Federal gas tax (24.4 cents for diesel)
for summer months. McCain wouldn't bother to make up the
lost money. Clinton says that the lost revenue will be
replaced by windfall profit taxes imposed on oil
companies...taxes Congress will never impose.
The plan would save Americans an average of $30 over the
summer. It would cost the government at least $8 billion,
most of which has been earmarked for keeping our
infrastructure (roads, bridges, etc.) from total collapse.
This lack of funding, in turn, would cost about 300,000
jobs. It would increase the profits of oil companies because
more gas will be consumed. It doesn't guarantee lower gas
prices at the pump, either. In fact, because of increased
demand during the already hard-pressed summer months, it
might actually send gas prices higher.
150 leading American economists have issued a bi-partisan
letter tra****ng the idea. The American Road and
Trans****tation Builders Association are against it. The
American Trucking Association is against it. The American
Society of Civil Engineers is against it.
NYT columnist Tom Friedman wrote that it's "so
ridiculous...it takes your breath away. - This is not an
energy policy. This is money laundering: we borrow money
from China and ****p it to Saudi Arabia and take a little cut
for ourselves as it goes through our gas tanks."
"Newsweek's" Jonathan Alter wrote: "It will cost the U.S.
Treasury at least $8.5 billion and probably much more,
according to state highway officials. For McCain that's no
money at all-merely one month in Iraq. For Clinton it's
money she's already spent. She has said in the past that any
proceeds from a windfall profits tax would go for renewable
energy. The $8.5 billion figure assumes the tax would be
reapplied after Labor Day. Fat chance. The one-year costs
are probably closer to $30 billion."
NYT columnist Paul Krugman noted: "the tax cut really goes
to the oil companies."
NYC Mayor (and billionaire) Michael Bloomberg called it "the
dumbest thing I've heard in an awful long time, from an
economic point of view."
In short, it's the economic version of "Sorry you lost your
job. Why not just get drunk for a week?"
So, with 99% of economists saying the plan stinks, how does
Hillary Clinton respond? She goes back into rootin' tootin'
mode, declaring that Congress has to go on record showing
that it's either "with us or against us" and she don' need
no steenkin' economists buttin' in. "I'm not going to put my
lot in with economists," she declared on "This Week."
Playing the populist, she also described the gas tax
vacation deriders as having elite mindsets.
Hello, Sucker!
While voters mull over various new and improved ways to
screw themselves, Bush is quietly dismantling what's left of
our government. His version of the Environmental Protection
Agency has officially mutated into the Environmental
Persecution Agency. (Remember after 9/11 when the New York
air filled with pulverized body parts and fluids, concrete,
plaster, asbestos, plastic, jet fuel, soot, rubber, steel,
and feces was declared "A-OK" to breathe by the EPA just so
Wall Street could re-open? That was the mutant agency's
first "baby step.")
Last week, it was revealed that EPA *****sments of the
health dangers posed by toxic chemicals have been delayed
and/or changed because non-scientists are participating in
the reviewing process. The Pentagon, the Energy Department,
NASA, political appointees and chemical manufacturers have
participated "at almost every step in the *****sment
process," re****ted the non-partisan Government
Accountability Office.
"The (EPA) scientists feel as if they have lost complete
control of the process, that it's been taken over by the
White House and that they're calling the shots," one
anonymous scientist said.
So, remember, kids: discarded rocket fuel in your tap water
doesn't cause cancer. It gives you extra "oomph!"
Meanwhile, 60% of the EPA scientists responding to a survey
done by the Union of Concerned Scientists said that BushCo.
was either twisting or tossing scientific findings that
didn't benefit the Administration or its cronies across the
board.
"Our investigation found an agency in crisis," said
Francesca Grifo of the Union of Concerned Scientists.
"Distorting science to accommodate a narrow political agenda
threatens our environment, our health and our democracy itself."
A case in point: the Supreme Court has ruled that the EPA
has to regulate greenhouse gas emissions. The scientific
research is done. Tougher regulations are in order. The EPA,
however, has sat on the do***entation and has refused to
either make a ruling or make the do***entation public.
When California recently moved to impose stricter
regulations on its own, the EPA quashed it, although its own
scientists were for it. EPA chief Stephen Johnson has tossed
out every excuse in the book in order to hide any of the
EPA's in-house findings, from national security to the
chance that do***ents showing scientists voting in favor of
cleaner air and the EPA ignoring them would be confusing. It
"could result in needless public confusion about the
Administrator's decision."
No, I think most of the public would get it. The concepts of
"unscrupulous whore" and "partisan hack" are pretty much
part of Americana, these days.
Just last week, EPA/BushCo. forced its top environmental
regulator in the Midwest to quit because she went after Dow
Chemical for not cleaning up dioxin-saturated soil and
sediment extending 50 miles beyond Dow's Midland, Michigan
plant, contaminating both Saginaw Bay and Lake Huron. Highly
respected EPA employee Mary Gade said that she was stripped
of her powers as a regional administrator and told to quit
or be fired by June.
The EPA mumbled its usual disgruntled employee riff. The
amazing thing about Gade's firing is that Dow has already
taken responsibility for the toxicity. It just doesn't want
to do anything about it. This site has been banging around
the Superfund clean up realm for years. Back in the 1980s,
the EPA fired someone in the same position for proving that
Dow was responsible for the deadly dioxin in the first place.
Meanwhile, as the air heats up and the land bubbles with
poison, thus ensuring greater profit in the private sector,
here are a few stories that BushCo. hasn't been able to
politicize into oblivion as yet.
"New Study Raises Major Questions On Biofuels" (is the use
of land for biofuels worsening global warming as well as
leading to a food shortage), "Pine Beetle Outbreaks Turn
Forests Into Carbon Source" (dying forests will release more
carbon dioxide than they absorb), "Warming ****fts Gardeners'
Maps" (those growing zones that backyard gardeners use are
now 20 years out of date - but they haven't been changed for
political/economic reasons), "Arctic Ice Melting Faster Than
Predicted," "Scientist Says New Zealand's Biggest Glacier
Shrinking," "US Judge Orders May 15 Decision On Polar Bears"
(BushCo. has been dodging making a decision on whether polar
bears are an endangered species or not), "Major Arctic Sea
Ice Melt Is Expected This Summer," and a headline that sums
up the entire Bush/EPA approach to the world - "US Climate
Change Plan Branded 'Neanderthal.'"
Probably the most bizarre environmental dance being done by
the administration, and that's saying a lot, is Dick
Cheney's fight against legislation protecting the endangered
right whale. The White House has delayed rules restricting
the speed of ****ps near American ****ts. Fast moving ****ps
are creaming the whales, either killing or severely injuring
them. Accordingly, Dead-Eye Dick wants to protect the ****ps.
His staff "contends that we have no evidence that lowering
the speeds of 'large ****ps' will actually make a difference."
As the EPA and BushCo. continue to torture the environment,
the Bush Administration is furiously backpedaling from the
fact that America has routinely tortured political detainees
or enemy combatants or whatever we're calling people whose
balls we bust these days as part of our larger "War On
Terror" fandango.
As Congress continues its investigation, led by John
Conyers, America's Team Torture is furiously trying to
locate Bush's missing magic wand in an attempt to make the
whole subject go away. Until they find it, throwing up
handfuls of legal dust while inflating their cheeks and
shrieking seems to be doing the trick.
Last week, the lawyer for Dick Cheney claimed that Congress
lacks any authority to examine his behavior on the job.
Kathryn L. Wheelbarger declared: "Congress lacks the
constitutional power to regulate by a law what a Vice
President communicates in the performance of the Vice
President's official duties, or what a Vice President
recommends that a President communicate in the President's
performance of official duties, and therefore those matters
are not within the Committee's power of inquiry."
A year ago, Cheney's office held onto all of its classified
do***ents (which includes everything from memos to take-out
menus) by declaring the vice-president's office a hybrid
branch of government - both executive and legislative yet,
somehow, neither. It's sort of like when a unicorn and a
Minotaur mate. The offspring is butt ugly but, technically,
doesn't exist.
Two witnesses sought by Conyers, former US attorney general
John Ashcroft and former US justice department lawyer John
Yoo, have already claimed that their involvement in civil
lawsuits related to harsh interrogations allows them to
avoid appearing before Congress to chat about torture.
Then, there are also national security concerns.
Do***entation can't be produced because terrorists would
read them. The process of how torture was made legal can't
be disclosed because terrorists would somehow learn how to
avoid being caught and/or beat the system. Woo's aunt Martha
has an ingrown toenail. Ashcroft is trying to get his band
back together. The reasons for non-cooperation go on and on.
The Justice Department has pretty much told Congress that
American intelligence (?) operatives can use whatever
tactics they want if they think they're thwarting a
terrorist attack.
Brian A. Benczkowski, a deputy assistant attorney general,
penned a letter noting: "The fact that an act is undertaken
to prevent a threatened terrorist attack, rather than for
the purpose of humiliation or abuse, would be relevant to a
reasonable observer in measuring the outrageousness of the act."
To cut through the crap; America doesn't torture. We prevent
further terrorist attacks by NOT torturing prisoners in ways
that are considered torture everywhere else. See? It makes
sense.
Meanwhile, the "Best of the Gitmo Guys" kangaroo courts are
revving their engines.
Former Chief prosecutor for the Gitmo tribunals, Air Force
Col. Morris Davis, has thrown a spanner in the works,
submitting his retirement papers after recently quitting his
post because, per "The Wa****ngton Post," "of fallout from
his criticism of the Guantanamo court and because of family
concerns."
Davis left his gig because it had become "deeply
politicized." He added that Pentagon official Williams
Haynes, who took over the tribunals, told him "we can't have
acquittals."
Testifying for the defense at the trial of bin Laden driver
Salim Hamdan last week, Davis said that the trials were
rushed and political in nature. "There was that constant
theme that if we don't get this thing rolling before the
election, it's going to implode," he said. "Once you get the
victim families energized and the cases rolling, whoever
took the White House would have difficulty stopping the
process."
The Bush administration set up the much-criticized kangaroo
courts commissions to try suspected terrorists outside the
regular civilian and military courts, as war criminals. Even
if the accused were to be acquitted at a trial, the White
House system says the newly found "innocent" can be held as
an "enemy combatants" as long as there's a war on terror.
(That's infinity times twelve in layman's terms.)
"From the start, it's been not just the detainees but the
whole system that has been on trial," said the American
Civil Liberties Union's Ben Wizner, a Pentagon-approved war
court observer.
With the entire system on trial, it should be noted that not
too many news outlets are covering the ghastly goings-on.
After all, there's Reverend Wright to discuss, again. And
Hillary is out there sticking it to da oilman. And McCain is
figuring out his new budget on an abacus. Now, THAT'S
im****tant stuff!
This country, at present, is so inept that it LOST money
allowing the IRS to outsource collecting delinquent tax
payments. Think about that. We lost money - getting people
to pay us what they owed us.
Speaking of lost money, Bush wants another $70 billion to
fund his war of the week club.
Frank Zappa once said of America, "The illusion of freedom
will continue as long as it's profitable to continue the
illusion."
Right now, we're in the red - big time.
Two decades ago, in a lengthy interview with writer Bob
Marshall, Zappa accurately summed up our current situation,
both in terms of the reign of Bush and his possible successor.
"The environment that is hostile to dreamers is always the
environment that is run by right-wing administrations
because in order for the right-wing administration to
maintain its fiction, it has to be ideologically pure and
that ideology does not admit for creativity. There is
nothing creative about a right-wing administration. The
whole goal of it is to freeze time and to move things
backward. So, obviously the people who are most at risk,
whenever there is a right-wing administration sitting in
place, is anybody who is an intellectual dreamer or creative
person in any field. They are at risk because they pose a
threat to the administration."
Yet, in 2008, some people still dare to dream.
And, in 2008, some people dream of flinging more crap
further still.
Hello, Suckers!
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