Bacon Day, A Review

Bacon Day dawned as any other day; hurricanes were spinning off the
coast of North Carolina, Monica Lewinsky biographies were distributed
evenly around basement apartments, and at least one Gorski was awake
before noon. The stage was set for a culinary masterpiece of truly
epic pro****tions.

Attendees of this long anticipated event enjoyed at least 30 (plus or
minus 27) elaborately prepared bacon and bacon-inspired dishes. The
range exhibited by participating chefs was impressive. Those exclusive
few who fought for a glimpse into the famous Bacon Day kitchens were
rewarded with a stunning array of culinary techniques that, simply
speaking, dazzled the eye. This reviewer nearly wept at the beauty.

The day was not without its tragedy. One bacon master chef, having
become enchanted by his creation as Narcissus by his reflection, so
scalded himself in grease that he could not continue. The man was a
noble testament to the Bacon Day spirit: after trying for quite some
time (some witnesses say too long) to bring his dishes to fruition, he
was finally dragged away by white-coated authorities. We admire his
efforts and raise a glass of Bacon Stout in his honor.

Though Bacon Day was an unabashed success, following are suggestions
for an even more perfect day next year:

Half a pound of bacon per attendant per meal is obviously not
sufficient. Organizers of the event may wish to collaborate with their
accountants to discuss the feasibility of increasing that number next
year.

While some purists refuse to accept even the presence of non-bacon
infused food at the festival, some carefully chosen and prepared
vegetables may be necessary.

The bacon desserts were on the weak side this year. Perhaps the bacon
master chefs could have avoided offending the pastry chef community by
disparaging their French heritage.