Re: Bacon Day, A Review

In article <1abdf37b.0309190723.ea6209c@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>,
Amber <amber@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> spake:
}Bacon Day dawned as any other day; hurricanes were spinning off the
}coast of North Carolina, Monica Lewinsky biographies were distributed
}evenly around basement apartments, and at least one Gorski was awake
}before noon. The stage was set for a culinary masterpiece of truly
}epic pro****tions.

Well, it wasn't this Gorski, I'm afraid; he remembers some vague haze of a

dream and awaking to find himself bumping into a wall somewhere carrying a
pan of bacon.

This was a little disturbing, as it meant I had either fried up an entire
pound of bacon *in my sleep*, or some half-witted wag decided to put a 
pan of hot grease and sizzling flesh into my hands while I was asleep... 
just to see what I would do, of course.

}Attendees of this long anticipated event enjoyed at least 30 (plus or
}minus 27) elaborately prepared bacon and bacon-inspired dishes. The
}range exhibited by participating chefs was impressive. Those exclusive
}few who fought for a glimpse into the famous Bacon Day kitchens were
}rewarded with a stunning array of culinary techniques that, simply
}speaking, dazzled the eye. This reviewer nearly wept at the beauty.

I will admit the bacon butter sculpture was impressive, though I'm not
quite sure how somebody convinced those monks to travel out here and
do that.

Also, the eye missed Raleigh by probably eighty miles.  What a ripoff.

}The day was not without its tragedy. One bacon master chef, having
}become enchanted by his creation as Narcissus by his reflection, so
}scalded himself in grease that he could not continue. The man was a
}noble testament to the Bacon Day spirit: after trying for quite some
}time (some witnesses say too long) to bring his dishes to fruition, he
}was finally dragged away by white-coated authorities. We admire his
}efforts and raise a glass of Bacon Stout in his honor.

Bacon stout? 

HEY BEN!  I GOT AN IDEA!...   [0]

}Though Bacon Day was an unabashed success, following are suggestions
}for an even more perfect day next year:
}
}Half a pound of bacon per attendant per meal is obviously not
}sufficient. Organizers of the event may wish to collaborate with their
}accountants to discuss the feasibility of increasing that number next
}year.

The number may be increased.  There will be medical waivers available
in advance or at the door.

This year the extra bacon went to a cache which was to be used for
resurfacing oTTo's desk, though the hurricane inhibited travel and 
ultimately one or two Gorskis broke back into the vault and ate it
anyways.

}While some purists refuse to accept even the presence of non-bacon
}infused food at the festival, some carefully chosen and prepared
}vegetables may be necessary.

Okay, next year maybe green beans in bacon fat with bacon.

}The bacon desserts were on the weak side this year. Perhaps the bacon
}master chefs could have avoided offending the pastry chef community by
}disparaging their French heritage.

It beats yogurt on a stick... but you're right, we ought to work on some 
entirely new designs for the Bacon Day Desserts.

You may now begin submission of entries.


Peace, 

--me



[0] Bacon Stout... Hmm.  This might could work, even.
Putting meat into beer seems like a bad idea in a sort of
Tim The Tool Man kind of way, but it's been done before...

Mind you, that was only chicken.  And nobody ever makes the
stuff, which is in partly because of the name of the
recipe...  I mean really, who's going to offer a friend of
theirs to come inside from a hot day and have a nice cold
Cock Ale?