REV. CLINTON considers his body a chaste and holy temple -- in this
universe.
By MICHAEL ROVIN
WA****NGTON D.C. -- Since the advent of the telescope, astronomers have
been trying to answer the
question "Are we alone in the universe?" Scientists still don't have the
answer. But Dr. Al Ternet
of the Institute for Miscellaneous Technology has answered a different
question.
"I've always asked, 'Is our universe alone?' Now, I have proven the
existence of a polyverse, an
infinite number of universes, each with a slightly different version of
Earth."
To make the concept easy to understand, Dr. Ternet described all existence
as a roulette wheel,
with each number being a different universe. "If you were a ball, you'd
see a different reality
every time the wheel was spun. I've managed to become that ball.
"I've created a device I call the Multi-Dimensional Revealer (MDR). Using
a combination of sound
and light at high frequencies, directed through a prism at certain
intervals, I can open a small
hole into the dimension that sits right beside our own on the universal
roulette wheel."
We asked Dr. Ternet for a demonstration.
"You will be forced to change preconceived ideas about people and events,"
he warned.
We watched, astounded, as Dr. Ternet carefully chose latitudes and
longitudes on the neighboring
Earth -- called Earth B -- and showed us shocking sights:
..Bill Clinton was a celibate priest.
.. George Bush was a college professor.
..A balding Donald Trump worked as a ca****er in a pet shop.
..Paris Hilton ran a soup kitchen in the Third World.
..Britney Spears was a singer.
Among some of the political and cultural differences we saw on Earth B:
..The new Star Wars movie was good.
..Marijuana was legal but coffee was not.
..Iraq was our 51st state.
..Mexico possessed weapons of mass destruction.
..Weekly World News was on every library shelf and quoted on evening news
programs.
Stunned by the demonstration, we asked Dr. Ternet how civilization will
benefit from his invention.
"Civilization?" he said. "I intend to find an Earth where geniuses are
considered ***ier than rock
stars and athletes. Then I'm going to live there."
Published on: 02/24/2006
http://www.weeklyworldnews.com/features/politics/61718
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