I noticed when I received this that there were many many sections that were
repeated word for word from the transcript of Doogie's previous phone
call. It
looks just like his USENET posts. Rehashed crap recycled ad nauseum where
it
has nothing to do with the subject at hand. I truly think that when
Doogie
gets on a rant, that nothing else matters or is allowed to intrude on his
activity. Things such as reason, truth, and facts.
Due to another successful FOIA request, I was able to secure a
transcript of another conversation where Dubious Doogie
was complaining to the FBI about some "forged FBI do***ent"in
this conversation. I present below the official transcript of
Doogie's further conversation with the FBI:
Sometime in May 2008..
FBI: "Good afternoon, FBI Seattle, Special Agent Hoover speaking,
no, not that one, no, no relation either."
Doogie: "Hello, my name is uh Doug Reiman, uhhh Doug Von Riemam,
uhh Deitz, no lets go with Doug Grant this time and I want to discuss
with you a case of forged FBI do***ents"
FBI: "Okay, so it's Doug Grant, this time, that's G-R-A-N-T"
Doogie: "Well, actually my name is Doug Reiman."
FBI: "Oh, I see. Reiman. R-E-I-M-A-N"
Doogie: "But I use the name Doug Grant"
FBI: "Okay Mr. Grant"
Doogie: "But you have to use 'TM' after my name, because it's a
trademarked name"
FBI: "So you're saying you want me to call you Mr. Grant-tm?"
Doogie: "You don't have to call me that, you should just make a note
of it next to my name."
FBI: "Grant-tm. Got it. How may your government be of service to
you today?"
Doogie: "I would like to you investigate, arrest, and prosecute a
whole bunch of people who are forging FBI do***ents. But there could
be only one since they all use fake names all the time, so there
are a whole bunch but only one or to whole bunches."
FBI: "I see Mr. Grant-tm, how are these people forging FBI do***ents?"
Doogie: "Well first off, they sent me kiddie ****. Well, actually,
they sent me an e-mail that said 'Hot young teen babes - CLICK HERE!!'
FBI: "And you consider this forging do***ents, Mr. Grant-tm? Actually,
this is getting a little tedious, I think I'll just call you Mr. TM.
And you believe this is forging FBI do***ents?????"
Doogie: "Of course it is!! Haven't you read the statutes I've posted
at least a thousand times regarding forgery of FBI Doucments?"
FBI: "Posted? What have you posted, and to where?"
Doogie: "I've posted it to rec.gambling.blackjack. It's the place
where all the con men and the hucksters prey on innocent people,
perpetrating egregious frauds on unsuspecting newbies."
FBI: "Con men and hucksters?"
Doogie: "Yes, I've already proved this in court you moron. There are
thousands and thousands of con men hucksters and they're all
cyberstalking me on rec.gambling.blackjack. But I already proved this
beyond a shadow of a doubt in court."
FBI: "Well Mr. TM, if you've already proved it in court, why do you
need the FBI to be involved?"
Doogie: "That's part of the conspiracy you moron!! The con men
hucksters managed to arrange through nefarious means (this is part of
what I need you to investigate) for the Federal Judge (who no doubt is
in on the conspiracy) to throw out my complaint! Then, in an
incredible shake of pure hucksterism the 3 Judges on the Federal
Appeals court PROVED that they are part of the same conspiracy!! They
dismissed my claims! And everyone involved is stalking me!!!"
FBI: So let me get this straight, you say you're being stalked
by a massive conspiracy that includes thousands and thousands of con
men and hucksters and 4 Federal Judges. Ahem. So, what does this
have to do with forged FBI do***ents???
Doogie: Those con men and hucksters keep posting stuff they claim is
a transcript of my last conversation with the FBI office. The post
claims to be an official FBI do***ent but it is a forgery.
FBI: So, it is only one pur****tely forged do***ent. And how
do you know it is a forgery? You did call the FBI back
then didn't you?
Doogie: Yes I did, but the forgery makes me out to be a real net loon.
It is outragous. Those con men and hucksters call it a parody.
FBI: Mr. TM, it is humorous?
Doogie: Not to me, like the FBI I have no sense of humor that I am
aware of.
FBI: You know that parody is protected speech don't you?
Doogie: But all of my stuff copyrighted!
FBI: You do know that parody is a legitmate use of copyrighted material
don't you????
Doogie: But it is trademarked and copyrighted!!!!
FBI: I see Mr. TM, and aside from this and the text-only kiddie
**** that they've sent to you, have they threatened you in any way?"
Doogie: "Of course they have! One guy was claiming that I didn't
have a registered trademark, and posted that my status was DEAD! That
was clearly a veiled death threat."
FBI: Your status is dead?
Doogie: No you idiot! The status of my trademark is dead! Not me!
That's why it was clearly a death threat!
FBI: "Mr. TM, your trademark is dead? Then why are you insisting I
call you Mr. TM Mr. Grant?"
Doogie: "You will recognize my trademark, because I claim common law
trademark rights! Don't you know anything you blithering fool!?"
FBI: "Yes Mr. Grant no-tm, please continue about the death threats."
Doogie: "Another group of people all threatened to put me in their
kill files! Clearly, they intend to cause me harm."
FBI: "Killfile you?"
Doogie: "Yes. This is clearly a threat from the con men hucksters."
FBI: "Don't forget the Federal Judges."
Doogie: "I haven't even gotten to the best part yet."
FBI: "And that is?"
Doogie: "All of these con men and hucksters are really the same
person."
FBI: "They are?"
Doogie: "Yes, his name is Bingo Billy Rusty BillyRubin Abdul Solinas
Mizz Tie"
FBI: "That's one hell of a name."
Doogie: "Yes, they are using dozens and dozens of AOL accounts to
stalk me. Believe me, I know how it works. I once created 150 AOL
accounts in order to defeat one of their nefarious plans."
FBI: "You defeated their nefarious plans by creating 150 AOL
accounts?"
Doogie: "Well, no, I didn't actually defeat them. The USENET
Volunteer Votetaker turned out to be another member of the conspiracy,
and she through out all of my fake votes as frauds!!"
FBI: "So these people are all one person posting from AOL accounts."
Doogie: "Oh no, it's much worse than that. They have a magical way
of making their posts look like they're not coming from AOL. They use
aol, home.com, web-tv, paxentertainment and hundreds of other
providers. But THEY'RE REALLY ONLY ONE GUY POSTING FROM AOL!!!!"
"IT'S CLEARLY A MASSIVE CONSPIRACY!!! ALL DESIGNED TO CYBERSTALK
ME!!!!"
FBI: "Clearly, eh? Okay."
Doogie: "The most sinister part of it all involves Mizz Tie."
FBI: "Mizz Tie?"
Doogie: "Yes. You see, she claims to work for a casino. But it's
obvious that all of the con men hucksters are liars, so she obviously
doesn't work for a casino."
FBI: "And this is sinister how?"
Doogie: "Because it's all part of the conspiracy! You see, because
she is a con man huckster and a liar, it's obvious that she's SECRETLY
WORKING FOR THE CASINOS!!!!"
FBI: "I thought you said that she SAID she worked for a casino."
Doogie: "I did! Don't you see now how deep and sinister this plot
really is?"
FBI: "I see Mr. no-tm. And do you feel as though you're in any
danger?"
Doogie: "No, I'm not in any danger. I was in Vietnam as a Navy Seal.
I've killed many many times. I've got a PURPLE HEART MEDAL err, Card,
err you know what I mean. I am not afraid of those con men
hucksters."
FBI: "You were a Navy Seal and have a Purple Heart Medal?"
Doogie: "Well, no. I was actually a seamstress. I stitched ID seals
and insignia on to uniforms for the Navy. It was a killer job, that's
what I meant. I stabbed myself a couple of times and even drew blood.
When I told my story to my secretary she just slipped up and posted
that I had a Purple Heart to an account that I owned and was totally
legally responsible for any content attributed to that account. I
tried to have it taken down, but the Google Engineers are secretly
working for the CASINOS too. Google put the post back up in it's
original form as posted on the account that I am totally responsible
for. Don't you see, they are all working against me - all of them!!!"
FBI: "So let's see if I got this straight. You are being
cyberstalked by one guy on AOL who posts under thousands of aliases
and 4 Federal Judges, who sent you spam e-mail, told you your
trademark status was dead and they threatened to killfile you. You
don't feel threatened by any of this and you believe that this
qualifies as cyberstalking."
Doogie: "Of course you moron! I've posted the cyberstalking statutes
a thousand times. This is clearly proof!"
FBI: "Yes Mr. Grant. Anything else?"
Doogie: "Yes. They called me a maroon."
FBI: "A maroon?"
Doogie: "Yes, they say: 'What a maroon' whenever I post"
FBI: "Oh, I get it!! Like Bugs Bunny! "What a maroon!"
Doogie: "No you blithering fool!! It's racist!! They are using
racist slurs to intimidate me!!"
FBI: "Oh, Mr. Grant. I didn't realize you were black"
Doogie: "I'M NOT BLACK, YOU IDIOT!!! This is all part of the
cyberstalking! They use racist slurs against me to stalk me and
threaten me!!"
FBI: "Well Mr. Maroon, uh, Grant, eh Reiman. I have no doubt that
you are being cyberstalked, and we'll get to the bottom of it right away.
"How can we reach you?"
Doogie: "Well, I live in the State of Wa****ngton now, but I don't
actually live in the State of Wa****ngton, I live in Las Vegas, Nevada.
But you can reach me at my Wa****ngton phone number which forwards to
my home in Las Vegas where I have hundreds of sup****ters who answer
the phone and say it's me."
FBI: "Yes Mr. Grant no-tm, we'll get on this right away"
Doogie: "The cyberstalking must end!!!"
FBI: "Yes, Mr. Grant."
[ sound of telephone hanging up ]
FBI: "What a maroon."
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
®2008 House of Pain, LLC
**************************************************************
With apologies to Rusty Martin
Copyright 2001 - Rusty Martin
Freely distributable throughout the internet so long as attribution is
given.
Rusty Martin
"Indeed, we are satisfied that the appellants have mischaracterized
the facts." "...the reshuffle is hardly secret as the dealer does it
openly in the view of the players."--3rd Circuit Court of Appeals,
Justice Greenberg [Well duh! Doug]
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