Former President Carter To Be Tried For Peace Crimes
http://www.theonion.com/content/news/former_president_carter_to_be
GENEVA, SWITZERLAND=97An international peace-crimes tribunal commenced
legal proceedings against former U.S. President Jimmy Carter for
alleged crimes against inhumanity Monday.
"Jimmy Carter's political career includes a laundry list of anti-war-
making offenses," said chief prosecutor Charles B. Simmons. "Carter's
record of benevolence, diplomacy, and respect for human life is
unrivaled in recent geopolitical history. For millions, the very sight
of his face evokes memories of his administration's reign of
tolerance."
Enlarge Image Former President Carter To Be Tried For Peace Crimes
Carter awaits trial for acts of peace committed between 1976 and the
present.
The former president, whom Simmons described as "relentless in his
****d pursuit of everlasting global peace," has been sought by peace-
crimes officers in the international war-making community for decades.
Police apprehended Carter on July 25 in South Florida, where he was
building low-income housing as a part of a Habitat For Humanity
project. Shortly thereafter, he was extradited to Geneva, where he
will be prosecuted for "grossly humane acts against all nations."
Yale University political-science professor Janet Hargrove said the
evidence against Carter is overwhelming.
"Carter's defense team will have a difficult task defending him
against these peacemaking accusations," Hargrove said. "Carter's
signature is right there on the Camp David accords between Egypt and
Israel. His decision to return control of the Panama Canal to Panama
continues to impede U.S. military intervention in the region even
today, and his influence on the SALT II treaty is a matter of public
record. He may have been in part responsible for the tem****ary nuclear
d=E9tente between the U.S. and the Soviets."
While much of his peacemaking took place during his term of office,
the years following Carter's presidency have included peace-mongering
missions in Ethiopia, Sudan, North Korea, and the former Yugoslavia.
An unearthed 1978 photo shows a peace-mongering Carter with Menachem
Begin and Anwar al-Sadat.
"Carter is one of the worst enemies the forces of destruction have
known since Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and his non-violent rampages of
the '50s and '60s," Simmons said. "Even today, in his capacity as an
ex-president, [Carter] continues his pursuit of non-aggression. He
must be stopped now, before another terrible war is avoided and more
lives are saved."
Prosecutors have linked Carter to a number of international
humanitarian organizations, including Red Cross and Amnesty
International, both of which fund compassionate, non-military efforts
around the globe.
"The former president has even been linked to an organization within
Sweden known for promoting the peace agenda by remaining on the
outside of the international political process," Hargrove said. "A
medal commemorating a so-called 'Nobel Peace Prize' was seized from
Carter's Georgia estate and will be used as evidence against him."
Vince Halloway, an expert in international law with the Brookings
Institution, expects Carter's defenders to attempt to establish him as
a propagator of internatinal conflict by citing his mishandling of the
Iran hostage crisis, his boycott of the 1980 Moscow Olympics, and his
time served on a Navy nuclear submarine.
Halloway, however, said he considers this defense "thin."
"Prosecutors will have no difficulty establi****ng Carter's willful
intent to pursue and maintain the aim of peaceful intervention in
international affairs when they cite his formation of The Carter
Center, an organization whose three publicly stated aims are 'Fighting
Disease,' 'Building Hope,' and 'Waging Peace,'" Halloway said. "Carter
will be forced to answer for his reign of tranquility before the
entire world community."
If found guilty, Carter could face permanent exile in a nonviolent
nation such as Norway.
On behalf of the Bush administration, Vice-President Dick Cheney
expressed regret over Carter's alleged crimes.
"We are all aware of the missteps that occurred during the placid days
of the Carter administration," Cheney said. "It was simply a matter of
bringing the justice to light. Thankfully, the process has begun, and
this chapter in our nation's history is finally being brought to a
close.
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