Mickey Mouse-opatamia: Disneyland comes to Baghdad
By Alan Bisbort
Created May 8 2008 - 9:13am
A Mickey Mouse war policy begets Mickey Mouse results. On that note, the
perfect coda to the 5-year-old disaster that is John McCain's favorite war
just arrived: The company that built Disneyland, Los Angeles-based C3, is
now designing a multi-million dollar entertainment complex on a 50-acre
lot
adjacent to the Green Zone in Baghdad. That lot, conveniently, became
available when, as a result of the invasion of Iraq, the once world-class
Baghdad Zoo was looted and destroyed, the animals scattered among the
rubble
that was operations Shock and Awe and Enduring Freedom. In the wake of the
bungled invasion, the zoo was left without power and then abandoned. The
animals, many rare, were killed and eaten, or stolen and sold on the black
market. Of the 700 animals in the zoo, only 35 survived.
But, just like in a Disney fairy tale, the souls of these dead animals
will
inhabit the bodies of the cartoon characters who will serve as ushers and
greeters at the thrilling new "Baghdad Zoo and Entertainment Experience."
The $525 million project, says C3's owner, "will be managed by the Iraqis"
(ha, ha, that's a good one, just like the oil fields) and the "experience"
will be "culturally sensitive" (ha, ha, that's an even better one). Even
though there's no running water in parts of Baghdad, the electricity is
sparse at best, and suicide bombers are still killing an average of 100
civilians a week, this will, in the words of C3's director, be a welcome
sight to Iraqis. He told the London Times, "The people need this kind of
positive influence. It's going to have a huge psychological impact."
Another big sup****ter of the Disney "experience" is Bush lapdog, General
David Petraeus, who said Baghdad was otherwise "lacking in entertainment."
If this weren't all so predictably ham-handed and galling, it would be
funny.
Bush and his cronies may not have made a dent in al Qaeda's numbers, but
they've pretty much eliminated the need for satirists. If Disneyland has
"Buzz Lightyear Astro Blasters" (which it does), then the Baghdad
"experience" should have "Bush Litebeer Blasters." On this "adventure,"
you
can drive while drunk and evade "experience" police and, if you're
arrested,
you can call your rich "Bag-Daddy" to get you off and destroy the arrest
re****t.
Regular features throughout your visit to the "experience" also include:
"(Bad) Dreams Come True" Fireworks Spectacular ("watch in wonder as
state-of-the-art I.E.D.s and shoulder-launched rockets burst across the
sky
high above Sleeping Neocon Castle"). And let's not forget "Charade of
Schemes" (formerly "Parade of Dreams"), during which visitors are
encouraged
to don flak jackets, secure a 25-man bodyguard team, and join Sen. McCain
as
he "ambles on down to Main Street, U.S.A. for this larger-than-life
spectacle packed with over 50 explosive devices, dazzling rock-throwing
contests and unbelievable special effects, including dismemberments and
beheadings. Yow!"
I can already foresee next year's military recruitment pitch:
"Attention 18- to 40-year-olds! You're going to Disneyland!"
--
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I
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Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107
"A little patience and we shall see the reign of witches pass over, their
spells dissolve, and the people recovering their true sight, restore their
government to its true principles. It is true that in the meantime we are
suffering deeply in spirit,
and incurring the horrors of a war and long oppressions of enormous public
debt. But if the game runs sometimes against us at home we must have
patience till luck turns, and then we shall have an op****tunity of winning
back the principles we have lost, for this is a game where principles are
at
stake."
-Thomas Jefferson
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